


How To Save A Life

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: M/M, Project "Gil Needs A Better 'Best Friend'"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21956734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Ryder and Gil need to have a talk about Jill.Then things get more complicated.
Relationships: Gil Brodie/Male Ryder | Scott
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	How To Save A Life

**Author's Note:**

> So, before we start, I want to just acknowledge... I'd sworn never to write this story, I really had. So, you know, that's a great place to go from here...
> 
> I cannot view the Gil-Jill relationship as anything other than a toxic friendship, where she says 'jump' and expects him to do it without even asking 'how high.' Like, by way of game mechanics, we almost literally have to get her seal of approval to date Gil, he doesn't get the choice on his own. If you can see their relationship as a positive thing, this may not be the fic for you. I want to say that I've tried to keep things even-handed, without outright vilifying Jill, but, obviously, I'm not unbiased on the topic. 
> 
> I've always aimed to be good to female characters who "interfere" with my ships - one look at my published fics says that I have a tendency to write characters who are canonically portrayed as straight, I can't exactly let myself fall into that trap. But as I've played and replayed Mass Effect Andromeda several times since its release with Gil as my primary romance, and I just cannot stand that by the end of the game, not just is a significant chunk of Gil's development wrapped up in Jill, but that I honestly walk away from the game feeling like I know more about HER than I do the character I'm actually romancing, and I needed to work out my issues on the subject.
> 
> So, yeah... That's the warning on the subject.
> 
> Oh, I do have a reference or two to prior Gil/Ryder fics I've written, a direct one to [Sibling Rivalary](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17218385) in particular, but I wouldn't call any of them required reading for this fic.

Ryder really wanted to delete the message in his email without even opening it. He really did. It was a sign of something that he really couldn’t stand, thought of as an affront to decency and rationality. 

Even acknowledging his right to be overdramatic, he just didn’t want to acknowledge the invitation to Jill’s baby shower.

He knew he couldn’t avoid it – if he had one, so did Gil. And while he probably could ask SAM to delete it from Gil’s email, there were plenty of ethical problems with that idea, not the least of which being it would just make him an abusive fuck trying to control his lover’s life.

Which, ultimately, brought him back to the issue at hand. Because “trying to control Gil’s life” had been a good way to sum up the way he felt Jill acted about Gil.

Ryder sighed. He tried to figure who he could talk to about this. Drack? Usually helpful as an ear, would stand there and listen to him vent, but this did at least tangentially involve children, which was likely to hit the old man in a soft spot. And, if it didn’t, this wasn’t a problem he could just headbutt his way out of. Jaal? Between angara family ties and their emotional openness, he probably wouldn’t really get his mind around the problem – culture clash. Peebee? Even if she were comfortable with the touchy-feely parts of friendships and the emotional entanglements of others, there was the potential of triggering her. Liam? He preferred too direct an approach. 

A casual thought said that the whole crew probably didn’t understand what Ryder had as a problem with the Jill situation – none of them had really spent the kind of time to hear about her from him, except Vetra and Suvi, since they’d been on the Nexus before the Hyperion had arrived. 

There was a thought. Suvi. The others might tell him he was making a bigger deal of this than it deserved, but Suvi... She’d at least listen. She was a born mediator, a calming and soothing presence. She’d tried to smooth things over during Gil and Kallo’s ongoing argument about the Tempest, she knew how to at least hear people out, find out their concerns, without making them feel like they were the one being ridiculous and unreasonable.

“SAM, is Suvi on the bridge?” Ryder didn’t want to interrupt her if she was doing anything in the science lab, but since the Tempest was in transit, she could slip away from the bridge for a while for a conversation.

“Affirmative, Ryder.”

She was more than willing to get a chance to get away from the copilot’s chair, stretch her legs a little. For privacy’s sake, Ryder invited her down to his quarters, like when they’d spoken after rescuing Ark Paarchero. It also meant they could have some tea, which, even if Ryder wasn’t much for tea in general, he could use anything that offered him some soothing edge.

As she entered, Suvi almost immediately let herself be distracted by the hamster, Boo. “He is adorable, Ryder. I’m glad you decided to keep him.”

“I figured he wouldn’t last long if I just dumped him on Eos or something,” Ryder said, chuckling as Boo let out a happy sounding squeak in response. 

Suvi gave Boo a last little pat before setting him back in the habitat. She looked to Ryder as he moved to the railing, leaning against it as he let out a sigh. Seeing his stance, she seemed to immediately peg something as bothering him. “So, Ryder. I’m guessing you didn’t just want to chat.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Only because I know you so well. You’re fidgety and definitely seem on edge.” She offered a smile. “Since the kett have been pretty silent the last couple of months, I figure it’s not Pathfinder business either, since you’d probably have called Cora for that.”

That insight was one of the reasons Ryder loved having Suvi on the team. “Yeah. It’s a... personal matter.” She looked to him, waiting for him to expand on that. He sighed. “I got an invite to Jill’s baby shower.”

“Ahhhh.” Suvi nodded sagely. Ryder hadn’t exactly been subtle about his feelings about Gil’s best friend, though he’d put on a polite mask for Gil, particularly when around said best friend, which, probably for everyone’s benefit, hadn’t been often. “The Jill thing.”

“You know Jill well?”

“Not really. Just through what Gil’s said about her, and a couple of gatherings back at the Nexus, discussing Meridian’s impact on all the various branches of the Initiative, just in passing.” She looked to Ryder. “But she bothers you? Is it her closeness with Gil, or...?”

“I’m not jealous, if that’s what you mean. I know that there’s no worries on that.” That much, at least, he felt sure about, that there was and would never be anything romantic between Gil and Jill. As much as Ryder just didn’t like Jill, he didn’t see her trying to “turn” Gil straight. “It’s just... I don’t like the way that she treats him. But Gil says that’s just how their relationship is, and... If I try and tell him that he shouldn’t be friends with her anymore, just because I say so, I’m not any better than I think she is.”

Suvi nodded sagely. “That you can acknowledge that is a good thing, Ryder. It means you’re keeping your relationship with him healthy.” She paused for a beat, Ryder sensing she was about to follow that up. “So. You think what he has with Jill is unhealthy.”

“One of the first things he told me about her was that she calls him “part of the problem” because he’s not going to have kids the old-fashioned way.”

That earned a scowl from Suvi, who bit her lip as she mulled that over. “Yeah. I can see that seeming like a red flag.” She took another moment to consider. “Ryder, I... There’s not really a casual way to ask this. How well do you know your history?”

“What history are we talking about?” 

“On the subject of social movements, particularly around same-sex relationships.”

Queer communities were still a think on Earth, at least when the arks had set out, so it wasn’t like Ryder was ignorant, even if there had been a lot of progress over the last two hundred years. “I know enough. How that was one of the things used to put down and delegitimize same gender couples. It’s why I got uncomfortable about Gil talking about her giving him grief about not having kids. It just... felt off. You know, if Gil ever did want to have kids, biological ones, anyway, instead of being ‘part of the problem,’ he’d be more of a... ‘guaranteed customer,’ you know?”

Suvi nodded in agreement on the concept. “You know, I’ve had a few people badger me about how I should have children. That I’m denying the Initiative something by being ‘selfish’ in not suppressing my own sexuality, just to act as an incubator in the name of the Initiative. It’s kinda crazy. I mean, even acknowledging the renegades and pirates you’ve had to fight and kill... The Initiative planned for this. We didn’t leave the Milky Way expecting or demanding that everyone reproduce. You put together an effort like this one, you’re putting up a neon billboard to every would-be adventurer, even if they’re not interested in having kids. Tell people they’re going to be able to explore a whole new galaxy, stars and planets never dreamed of... You’re going to draw in the wanderers and dreamers, the people too busy moving to settle down.” She sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Ryder. From what I know about it – and I don’t know much more than you’ve told me – this doesn’t sound like a friendship that is in his best interest.”

It was nice to have validation, but Ryder could hear that she had a conditional to attach to that statement, and he knew exactly what it was. “But it’s not your place – or mine – to tell Gil who he should and shouldn’t consider a friend.”

She nodded. “Probably not what you wanted to hear.”

“Yeah, but... At least I know I’m not crazy to think this ‘friendship’ isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.”

“So what are you going to do?” Suvi had a very good question there. Ryder may have had an affirmation of his feelings towards Jill, but, as he’d said, just demanding Gil give up this friendship would be as controlling as he felt she was.

Ryder sighed. “I suppose I have a conversation to have with Gil, that’s what.”

Total trust and honesty, right?

***

“I’m not going to the baby shower.”

Figured he’d drop the immediate bomb first, work to the bigger issue.

Gil looked up from the engineering console, looking concerned. “What’s the matter, Pathfinder business? It’s not the kett again, is it? I thought they’d finally gone silent.”

The fact that he seemed to be completely unaware of his lover’s issues with his best friend probably said something. Probably, Ryder figured, that he was hoping for the best, that he wanted to believe that the two people he considered closest to him in his life were going to get along, love each other as much as he loved them. That thought shot a pang of hurt through Ryder’s heart. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to like Jill, exactly. He’d entertained the idea that maybe they’d just gotten off on the wrong foot, and things would improve over time. But so much about her just made him uncomfortable on a visceral level, and he couldn’t really bring himself to want to spend time in close proximity to her.

“It’s not Pathfinder related. Just... I’m sorry, Gil, but, since we promised to be honest with each other, the truth is that I just... I’m not comfortable around Jill, and... I’d rather minimize that as much as I can.”

“Oh.” It hurt Ryder to see that flash of hurt and disappointment on Gil’s face – he clearly DID want his best friend and his lover to get along. “Is it the “boosting the batter” thing? Because I can talk to her about it, if that would help.”

God bless this man for trying... “It’s not just that. It’s...” Ryder sighed. Best to just put it all out there. Honesty was a bitch, but at least it would be said. “I don’t particularly like the way that she treats you. I know you said that you have ‘that kind’ of relationship, but... You know, I have only heard you talk about her in these glowing terms, while the first thing that you ever told me about her is that she calls you “part of the problem.” That doesn’t seem like friendship to me. And I get that to you, it’s your normal, the way the two of you interact, but... I’ve never felt comfortable with it, and it doesn’t make me want to be around her, if given the chance.”

Gil was quiet, taking that in. Ryder didn’t know how good of a sign it was. It was Ryder being honest with him. But it was still saying that he thought there was this issue that Gil didn’t – or at least, hadn’t – thought of as one. 

He found himself wishing briefly that he had the same kind of connection to Gil like he did with SAM. Of course, SAM had had to scale back that connection for Ryder’s benefit, so maybe it was a good thing they didn’t.

“It’s just been our way, Ryder. I can get how it might not be to the way that others would agree, but... It’s worked for us.” It sounded like Gil just trying to set Ryder at ease, to tell him that he was fine with it, that it wasn’t something that Ryder needed to be concerned about. But it wasn’t like Ryder could just shut that off.

“I know. I do. I’m not asking you to change things. If it works for you, then that’s fine.” Maybe not ‘fine,’ exactly, but Ryder wasn’t about to demand that someone change just to put him at ease. “But... I’m not comfortable with the way Jill treats you, and... Honestly, if I’m around her, I probably would tell her off about it. And it would probably be a big deal. I get that she’s your friend, I’m not telling you that you should stop being friends with her. But... I’m not comfortable with the way she treats you, and so I don’t want to be around her if I can help it.” Ryder sighed. It was, at the least, out and in the open. Whatever happened next... Well, at least they had honesty.

Ryder really hoped that “honesty” wasn’t going to be his only companion after this.

Gil sighed. “I’m... I’m at least glad you told me. Total trust, right?” He smiled, and it seemed genuine. Ryder could feel his heart thump a little harder as he tried not to hope too hard that he hadn’t spoiled the best thing he’d had in Andromeda. Then Gil took his hand. “You know I’d love for you and Jill to hit it off. But... If you’re not comfortable, then I’m not gonna try and make you be.” He pulled Ryder close, twining their fingers. “I’ll go alone. I’ll say you were busy, and... Well, go from there.”

“Really? That easy?”

“Easy?” Gil laughed. “Ryder, I can feel the cold sweat you’re having over this. I could feel it on the other side of the room.” He gently pressed a chaste kiss to Ryder’s lips. “Not telling me would have been easy. Trying to bury your feelings, that’s something you have some experience with, right?”

Meaning that they were probably still due a discussion about his feelings about his father, about his sister, about his mother – still in cryo, the Ryder twins still uncertain if they should wake her up, if there was a point in bringing her out just to say goodbye again, if they’d ever be able to take her out under those circumstances – and all the assorted business of being the Pathfinder that had defined the life that Ryder had now. Yeah, that was a bundle of mixed emotions that Ryder really wasn’t ready to go anywhere near.

“Okay, fair.” He just basked in the feeling of being held tight to Gil. A part of his brain was chiding him for being afraid of losing this – he fired back to whatever part of his psyche that came from that it’s not like that part had been speaking up when he had been afraid – but feeling Gil’s arms around him, he felt secure that this, if nothing else, would be something that they could ride out.

The waters, however, were still bumpy...

***

The Tempest had landed on Eos, and everyone had taken up tasks. Gil, of course, had gone off to the baby shower. Peebee went to crawl over the monolith – as one of the Initiative’s leading experts on the Remnant, that meant she got to boss people around. A group of krogan had arrived from Elaaden, and Drack and Liam were working on the community building. Cora had appointed herself a mediator for when that turned to disaster. Suvi was coordinating with the science teams, gathering and updating herself on the latest research, how Eos had changed both since the Vault had gone active and then Meridian’s effects on the planet and Vault network. Kallo was getting in one of his rare naps. Jaal and Vetra joined Ryder in the Nomad, doing the standard rounds to monitor kett activity – the kett had been quiet since the battle at Meridian, and Ryder (and Evfra, hence Jaal’s involvement) expected that they were preparing for another push, and every day that they were silent, Initiative and Resistance forces were fully aware that it was just more time for the kett to plan for when the Primus showed up again and resumed the kett’s attempts at exalting the cluster.

By the time Ryder and team returned for the evening, the light of Pythas was dimming on Prodromos, and, mercifully, not a kett had been in sight among the area around the outpost (Ryder might be suspicious, but he liked not having to use his weapons or biotics). Even representatives from Advent hadn’t reported any kett activity.

Ryder was tempted to call it a good day.

Until he realized that Gil wasn’t in the loading bay as he pulled the Nomad in for the evening. That concerned him. Gil treated the Nomad like it was his own hot rod, the car he kept in the shed and showed off as his pride and joy. Vetra occasionally teased that Gil was only interested in Ryder because the Pathfinder got to drive the Nomad (Ryder’s response usually being something along the lines of ‘or maybe I’m dating him for the upkeep and mods of my ride’).

Ryder found it hard to believe that the baby shower had lasted this long – he’d been scouring Eos for hours now, and, even if the participants there had been enjoying themselves (he tried not to let himself be uncharitable and think that it would be hard to enjoy oneself while around Jill, and was only partially successful – hey, it was his mind, he could be uncharitable there if he wanted to!), if Gil had been running late, he’d have sent word to Ryder, had SAM pass along a message.

As Ryder deposited the last of his gear in his locker in the armory, he decided to check. “SAM, is Gil back from the baby shower?” 

“ _Affirmative, Pathfinder. He’s in your quarters, waiting for you,_ ” came SAM’s confirmation. 

That set off alarms in Ryder’s mind, all things considered – he was on the Tempest, but he hadn’t greeted him?

Then SAM continued. “ _My scans indicate that Gil’s stress levels seem abnormal. It appears that something is bothering him._ ”

“Yeah, I figured,” Ryder muttered, moving to the ladders. “Also, SAM, haven’t we had the ‘boundary’ discussion about scanning people?”

“ _I was concerned. Gil’s wellbeing is important to you, Pathfinder, and so, by extension, it is to me, in ways beyond that of the rest of the crew._ ” Well, that was something of a hazard of the AI meant to act symbiotically with organic life. If the life bonded to the AI cared about someone, it seemed the AI would be as well.

“Still, SAM. Consent is a good thing, remember?”

“ _Your reminder is noted for future reference, Pathfinder._ ”

Sometimes, Ryder got the distinct sense that SAM was sassing him, despite the protestations otherwise.

“Okay, well, for right now, we’re on privacy mode, got it?” Whatever was going on was not for any active involvement from nosy AIs.

“ _Understood, Pathfinder._ ”

If only dealing with everything could be as easy as shutting SAM up...

Opening the door to his quarters, Ryder tried to have a smile on his face to greet Gil, try and put him at ease. “Hey. Have fun?” he asked, attempting to keep things light.

It apparently was the wrong thing to say. “Uh... Not quite.”

That didn’t bode well. “What happened?”

“So, uh... Question for you. You ever thought of going dirtside?”

That was an odd question, especially considering Ryder’s career, the fact that being the Pathfinder wasn’t exactly a role he could just set aside. “Not... really.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’d be crazy to ask the Pathfinder to stay confined on just one planet.” Gil took a deep breath. “So... Jill asked me to be closer. Help out with caring for the baby when it comes. Because she wants an extra pair of hands.”

Ryder bit back his initial reaction, which could be summed up with the words “hell no,” and yet that was still something of an understatement. If Gil wanted that, he couldn’t exactly overrule him – as his commanding officer, he’d be left with an engineer who didn’t want to be there, and as a boyfriend, he’d probably not remain as such if he tried. “She... did, huh?”

“Yeah. I... I told her I’d... think about it.” Gil paused as Ryder’s heart sank. “I mean, I couldn’t just say no, right?”

There were two ways that Ryder could handle this. There was the emotional way, where he told Gil EXACTLY what he thought about the idea, or attempt to be rational, give him reasons to stay beyond even just that his boyfriend, his lover, was here on the Tempest.

“Yes, that’s exactly what you say!”

Emotional it was.

Now committed, Ryder continued. “Gil, with all the time and effort you’ve put into the Tempest over the last several months... This is as much your ship as mine, or Kallo’s, or anyone’s. Are you ready to hand that off to anyone else? And... Gil, I love you, and... It’s not like I can just walk away from this. So... What would happen with us?”

“Yeah, that was my thought too.” Gil smiled at Ryder. “I told her I’d think about it, but... I don’t intend to. I don’t want to leave the Tempest. And I definitely don’t want to leave you. I just wasn’t gonna tell her an outright no when we were there to celebrate her happiness.” He took Ryder’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh.” Now that he had that certainty, Ryder found himself a little embarrassed about how he’d exploded like that. “Then... I got worked up over nothing.”

“In fairness, I was winding you up a little.” Gil smiled, “It’s not like she has me under her thumb or anything, okay? I promise.”

Ryder sighed, relieved that this seemed over.

Little did he know.

***

Having extended their stay on Eos – Evan Bell-Scott had offered a report from “the Pathfinder’s kett expert” (Ryder had tried to officially get Bain Massani put on the Initiative payroll, the words “fuck Tann” having been used particularly emphatically when it was brought up that Massani had left the Nexus with the Exiles, but Massani preferred to stay off the radar anyway) – Ryder was unsurprised to hear more about things happening on Eos, which included the odd reference to the fertility efforts.

Despite the other outposts, as well as the Nexus, the initial reproductive push was taking place on Eos – while Elaaden and Voeld were still difficult to live on, Havarl and Aya as sovereign angara planets, and Kadara’s gang wars, the efforts to bring the next generation of the Initiative were focused here. Because of his position as the Pathfinder, Ryder heard more than a little on the subject, even if it wasn’t his ideal topic of discussion.

Having finished a meeting with Bradley, Hainley, and Bell-Scott, Ryder was meandering his way back over towards the Tempest, listening idly to the gossip among the Eos colonists. 

“...says he’ll be setting up here soon.”

“Who would give up a spot there?”

“Apparently, she’s sure he will. That he’d do anything for her.”

Ryder was aware that there were plenty of possible explanations for what he overheard. That there was no reason to assume that this was a discussion that would under any circumstances involve him – he wasn’t the center of the universe, or even of Heleus, even if his decisions had changed the landscape of the cluster. But something told him to listen in.

The two people talking didn’t seem to notice that they’d caught the attention of the Pathfinder. Ryder was pleased to know that he could still manage some anonymity, even after getting a planet named after him. 

“I don’t see why someone would give up a chance to work with a Pathfinder, though! Even if they weren’t dating the guy!”

“I’m just telling you what she told me. She said that there was no way he’d disappoint her, and if she asked, he’d do it. Sounded like she’s had the guy wrapped around her finger since Earth.”

“Ouch. Poor guy. Didn’t I see him making out with the Pathfinder in those newsdocs on Meridian?”

“Yeah. Makes you wonder what he thinks about it, huh? Sounded like he wasn’t getting a say in things at all.”

Well. 

Ryder felt a need to shoot something.

***

He found Gil in the Tempest’s cargo bay, tinkering with the Nomad.

“Gil?” he called. Gil pulled himself away from the rover, smiling at Ryder, which set him at ease, considering the gossip. 

“So, what brings you down here?” Gil asked, looking like he was considering some options himself, probably with the intent of defiling the upholstery in the Nomad, which would almost certainly get them both death marks from their crewmates.

As much as Ryder would like to indulge that... He had to bring up matters. “So... I heard some gossip. The kind that... made me concerned.”

“What kind of ‘gossip’?”

“The kind where someone was talking about how they’d been told that ‘someone’ was setting up on Eos, transferring off the Pathfinder’s crew. And that they’d heard directly that ‘he’ wouldn’t disappoint ‘her,’ that if she asked something, he’d do it.”

The implications took a moment to sink in. When it did, he made a disgusted noise. “Are you...? Really? She... She thinks that?” He turned from Ryder, leaning against the Nomad. He looked back to Ryder, looking very pained. “I mean, it was just gossip, right?”

Ryder sighed. “I’m not exactly unbiased about her, but... It sounded like this wasn’t an exaggeration of what she’d said. It sounded like they’d heard it directly from her. But... I could be wrong.” Ryder was trying to be open-minded. While he disliked how Jill treated Gil, he couldn’t completely discount the possibility that this was just the exaggeration that came from standard gossip. It still had the potential to be completely innocent, and the people who’d been talking had just twisted things they’d overheard. It was at least possible.

The part of Ryder that wanted someone he saw as hurtful to the man he loved leave their lives entirely didn’t believe it was remotely innocent. The part of Ryder that understood how much Gil valued a friend – no matter Ryder’s opinion of that friendship – didn’t want to see him hurt like that.

Gil sighed. “I suppose I’m gonna have to talk to Jill about this. Not even just telling her I’m not leaving the Tempest... not leaving you, but... It’s the subject of gossip now. And that’s...” He gave a sort of incredulous laugh. “Okay, I know I’m with the Pathfinder and all, but... Well, hearing people gossiping about me... takes me back to some unhappy places.”

Ryder put a hand on Gil’s arm, a supportive gesture – they’d talked on occasion about the way that he’d grown up, not getting much in the way of familial support. He’d grown up on the streets after his mother’s death, off the grid. When he’d approached most of the other “normal” kids, the ones with families taking care of them, they’d pushed him away. It hadn’t been outright bullying, Gil had said, just avoidance and an overall feeling that he wasn’t welcome among them.

That was, Ryder knew, exactly why he’d stuck it out with Jill. His amateur psychology – part of that also built up through SAM’s attempts at understanding humanity – told him that Gil’s acceptance of what Jill had offered as friendship probably came from that loneliness, the desire to be close to someone, just because they were the least hostile person around. Which would also be why he’d never said anything, never talked about how what she said bothered him.

Of course, Ryder had also long thought that it did – he’d pretty much introduced Ryder to the mere concept of Jill, the person he called his best friend, with the fact that she, direct quote “said he was part of the problem” in regards to having kids. Ryder didn’t know of any friendship, even ones where you gave one another shit, that was in a place where one of the first things you’d say to someone to share this friendship was that kind of attack on your life choices.

“Anyone who’d gossip about you, talk shit about you behind your back, they’re not worth paying attention to,” Ryder said. “The only reason I even brought this up to you is because I wanted to make sure that-”

“-that we get boundaries established with Jill? That she understands that I’m my own person?” Gil said it with a note of regret – it sounded like he was reconsidering things in the face of hearing that Jill had spoken like she could turn Gil to whatever it was that she wanted just because it was what she wanted him to do.

“More or less.” Ryder smiled at Gil, trying to make sure he knew that, however he handled things with Jill, he had Ryder in his corner. Which... “So... How are you gonna want to handle this? Cuz that’s all on you. I’m not gonna tell you how you need to. If you want to just let it rest, I’ll suck up my feelings on the subject.” Granted, those feelings were presently doing a low simmer, but, if Gil didn’t want to rock the boat on the word of strangers gossiping, he’d make himself manage it. Somehow.

But Gil shook his head. “If people are gossiping about it, it’s gotta come from somewhere. That means Jill herself.” He sighed. “I need to talk to her. But... I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Meaning that Gil thought that the talk with Jill might break their friendship entirely. Even if that was in Gil’s best interest, it couldn’t be easy to contemplate giving up a friendship that had lasted as long as theirs had. 

Gil hesitated. “Would it be so bad, Ryder? I mean... Living on Eos. It’s not like there’s not enough to keep either of us busy if we stay here. Getting the outpost into a proper colony, then a city... There’s a lot that I could do out here, and the Remnant monoliths, or kett defenses... Even if you took the Tempest out occasionally, you’d still...” He cut himself off, realizing how it sounded. “I’m rationalizing, aren’t I? Trying to... excuse her.”

“Yeah, a little.” Ryder reached up, caressing Gil’s cheek. “But that you’re thinking about this, that you want to make other people happy... That’s something I love about you. I just don’t want you doing it at your expense. If Jill can’t accept that you’re not staying on Eos, that you want something for yourself that isn’t what she’d pick for you... You have no responsibility to give up your life, your wants, your dreams, just because she wants you at her beck and call.”

Gil nodded. “You’re right. I know it. I...” He paused, as if just coming to a realization. “I have something really different here on the Tempest. This... This isn’t like back on Earth, where it was just... trying to get by. The people here... They really care. And they’re not gonna just... toss me aside because I’m... some kind of inconvenience to them.”

Sometimes, Ryder really did have the feeling that Gil had downplayed his issues from before they’d met, before the Initiative had recruited him. He didn’t like talking about the time before Andromeda, talking about it as if, given the great sleep between galaxies, it didn’t really matter, since anyone involved in it was so long dead, they probably weren’t even brought up at the family reunions, replaced by more recent ancestors. One of these days, they’d probably have to talk about it, given that even if the people were gone, their scars remained.

“You’re nothing of the sort, Gil. Even Kallo wouldn’t call you that now.” Though there might still be a bit of bitterness between them – Kallo may have come to an understanding with Gil, but Ryder felt the both of them had come to like the somewhat antagonistic attitude to their interactions, that it encouraged them both to be sharper when it came to what they were trying to do with the Tempest.

Gil’s smile was hopeful. “I’d probably deserve it from Kallo, though, given the time he spent undoing my resdesigns...” He sighed. “Okay. The talk has to happen. I have to talk to her. I have to make it clear I’m not leaving the Tempest. And if she can’t accept that, then... Then she has to deal with it. Just... I don’t know how to do it.”

In fairness, Ryder wasn’t sure if there really was a “good” way of running the risk of ending a friendship. Even if it was a friendship that hadn’t been particularly friendly in recent months, if it ever had been to start with.

“You know, we do have several friends who can back you up if you want.” Suvi and Vetra would probably be more than willing to act as sounding boards as Gil tried to figure out what to say and how to say it. “Not to mention me. I’m here, however you need me. Just tell me what you want.”

“I... Thanks. I mean that. But... I think I need to do this myself. If I don’t... If I leave that door open for either of us, then... Well, if it gets to that point, I want it clear, for both of us, that this was my choice.”

Ryder could understand that. It did make sense. It just was hard to see Gil going through something like this without support. “All right. However you want to handle it, I’ll still be here for you.” He pulled Gil close, feeling Gil’s arms wrap tight around him. 

At least, whatever came of matters between Gil and Jill, Gil had this to count on.

***

Despite being certain of being there for Gil, Ryder was still feeling nervous about the possible results of the inevitable blow up. Gil had wanted to handle this in person, before the Tempest took off again, which left Ryder to his own devices as he waited for Gil to return. As he’d said he wanted to do it alone, Ryder could pretty much just tinker with the Nomad as he did the last thing he wanted - wait.

It wasn’t the same without Gil on hand, though. As much as Ryder drove it, in a lot of ways, the Nomad was Gil’s personal hot rod as well. He toyed with the Nomad’s systems and alignment. Ryder had enough knowledge to do spot repairs, but the actual maintenance was something he was still getting the hang of. But it was keeping his hands busy.

“Need a distraction?” Vetra’s voice caught Ryder’s attention, bringing him back... well, not out of the Nomad, because in all honesty, that was absolutely not where his mind had been, and he’d be lying if he tried to claim it had been. But it pulled him out of his reverie.

“What, you don’t think working on the Nomad’s distracting enough?” he joked.

“I think if it were, you’d have been significantly more interested in toying around with that thing. Normally, I’d suggest that you should take it out and drive around for a while, but I get the feeling you’re waiting for something.” And, by her tone of voice, she knew exactly what that something was, too.

“Let me guess. Gil mentioned it all at last night’s poker game.” Ryder, favoring the idea of having credits, was only an intermittent visitor to the poker table at best – Gil could be particularly competitive at the card table, and, rather than get caught up in anything that might come across as being a sore loser, Ryder opted to leave it as Gil’s thing.

Vetra nodded. “Sounds rough. For both of you. Him for what he’s maybe giving up, you for having watched this for so long without speaking up.”

“It’s not about me,” Ryder said. “I told Gil from the start, I may not have been comfortable with how Jill treats him, but... As long as he was okay with it, it wasn’t my place to say anything other than that.”

That got a chuckle from Vetra. “Yeah... I know it’s not the same, but if it were me, thinking Sid’s best friend was putting her down... Well, I don’t think I’d have stopped with ‘not my place.’”

Ryder laughed as well, fully aware that Vetra was probably understating things. “Gil’s an adult. If I’d tried going beyond that...”

She nodded. “Fair enough.” She looked contemplative. “So. Be honest with me Ryder. What do you think is gonna happen with all of this? Because yeah, he might have walked out of here, intending to tell Jill off. But it’s easy to say something, it’s another to follow through.”

That was what Ryder was concerned about, all things considered. Sure, Gil had talked about putting his foot down with Jill, making it clear that he wasn’t staying on Eos for her, and that if she had a problem with that, then it was time to reevaluate this ‘friendship.’ But once he was looking her in the eye... That could change.

“It’s not like I haven’t thought that. But Gil’s a big boy. He needed to do this for himself. I’d be no better than I’ve said she is if I didn’t trust him.”

“Fair enough there. But have you thought about what happens if he can’t do it? If she manages to convince him otherwise?”

“So trying to treat her just as ‘the villain’ of things, that she’s an unreasonable person, and not someone who’s just unaware of what they’re doing? I’ve been making every effort I can to NOT do that. I mean, it took me the better part of six months just to get to the point where I told Gil I’m not comfortable with her. It’s not like I WANT her to be the bad guy or anything.” Ryder may not like Jill, but he didn’t want to just turn her into some maniacal villain who brought woe upon he who would dare try and convince Gil she was not the best thing in his life.

Even if there was a part of his mind that did indulge in that particular fantasy... He still tried to banish those thoughts when they hit him. That counted for something, right?

Vetra nodded. “I get that. At that point, you start wondering who the real villain is, right?” She shook her head, clearly not enamored of the whole business. “If it helps any, I have seen the way that Gil acts around you, and I saw him around Jill, at least back before the Hyperion showed up. There’s a world of difference there.”

She and Gil would have had plenty of time to interact back in the time before the Hyperion had shown up at the Nexus. Though Ryder would have assumed that time would have disabused her of the tendency to play poker with him...

He couldn’t help his curiosity. “Okay, am I bracing myself for this, or...?”

She laughed. “Relax, Ryder. I mean it in a good way. He’s more relaxed around you. Like... I think it’s something like a reflex, I don’t think he even really knew he was doing it. But he had this way of holding himself that... It seemed like he was waiting for her approval for things. I didn’t say anything, since I didn’t know him at first, it seemed like it might just have been him. But here on the Tempest... That’s gone. He’s holding himself a lot more like he’s not looking for the approval of people around him.” 

Ryder got the meaning – Gil had found a place on the Tempest, with these people, with Ryder, that was his. It wasn’t something that he owed to Jill or shared with her. If anything would solidify for him that there was more to his life than her... That at least gave him a place to start.

“You know, he’s put so much time and effort into the Tempest... You know he’s always sending me emails when he starts hitting two whole days at work? I try and tell him he doesn’t need to do that, that the Tempest runs perfectly as it is – even Kallo admits that.” Granted, Kallo usually had to be dragged to that particular admission, but he had admitted it.

“Huh.” Ryder’s words seemed to click something for Vetra. “So, okay, I know I’m not anything approaching a psychiatrist, especially for humans, if you want the expert opinion, go talk it over with Lexi, but... You think that’s why the whole “have a baby right now” thing stood out for him?”

After they’d agreed that it wasn’t happening, bare minimum not any time soon, the joke about Jill offering to make them dads had spread across the Tempest, though usually not to Ryder’s face – even if it was well-intentioned, Lexi and Cora had been the first to realize that maybe Ryder’s unresolved issues with his father may have made it in poor taste to even ask the question, let alone make jokes. He’d finally given the okay about it a few months back, but the others still rarely brought it up to him. 

So, yeah, to say that Ryder had never considered the idea was to lie. “The thought’s crossed my mind occasionally, yeah. It’s made sense. That he’s so focused on proving himself to be worth something, he’s running himself ragged. Fatherhood’s an easy in to that.” He sighed. “I’m not saying that I think that Jill made him think that. Just... I think that he’d been in a place where the little kindnesses ended up meaning more.” He sighed again and shook his head. “You know, it’s probably not fair to be talking about him like this without him being around.”

Vetra waved her hand dismissively. “Peebee’s probably making a recording anyway.”

“I am not!” came the offended cry of the eavesdropper giving herself away. Upon realizing she’d vocalized that out loud, Peebee hissed a curse.

“You’d better be deleting any recording, Miss B’Sayle!” Ryder called out with a warning tone, even though he didn’t believe that, if such a recording even existed, Peebee would do anything damaging with it – it was just part of the game that they all enjoyed. It was funny, actually. If Ryder were pushed, he’d almost call Vetra and Peebee more like his sisters than even Sara was – with Sara, with the way that their father had been an overshadowing presence in their lives, the few occasions he was around seemed more like a competition for his time, love, and affection. And, Ryder realized, looking back, he never felt like he’d won.

Which brought him back to thinking about Gil, Jill, and the whole kids issue.

His feelings about having kids wasn’t changing – he didn’t want to run the risk of repeating his father’s mistakes, and he wasn’t going to subject any poor kids to the fate of being “the Pathfinder’s child.” Given everything, that would probably screw up any kid as bad as he’d been. But he could see why people would feel that pull, if they could look at a situation like what he had with his Tempest family, think that it was the kind of thing that they wanted to share with a new life.

If Gil hadn’t had this kind of feeling of family before meeting Jill, if she’d offered him even that glimpse of it, even if it had been flawed... Well, that wasn’t the worst thing. 

Just because a relationship became toxic, that didn’t mean that it had started out that way. At one time, maybe Gil and Jill had been in a good place. They just hadn’t been able to stay there. That wasn’t inherently something wrong. They’d just changed, especially by being in Andromeda – Gil on the Tempest, Jill on the Nexus, having their own lives and experiences, things taking them away from one another and into other spheres.

Didn’t stop the idea of being “Uncle Ryder” to her kid, a kid he had no connection to, from sending a cold shiver down his spine, particularly considering who that meant that he’d have to interact with Jill, with the kid’s mom, but...

Well, he wouldn’t know for sure what was likely to happen on that front until Gil got back. For Gil’s sake, he hoped that was how things were, that he wasn’t going to lose someone who mattered to him because they viewed him more as an accessory. 

***

Ryder was still trying to tinker with the Nomad when Gil returned. He looked to Gil as he walked up the ramp back into the Tempest, trying to see how his lover had taken everything.

“Hey. How’d it go?” he asked, not really able to read Gil’s expression. His poker face was good enough, Ryder was just willing to just outright ask. Total honesty, right?

Gil sighed, which didn’t exactly tell Ryder much about what had been said. “It... went. I don’t know. She seemed... legitimately surprised that I wasn’t going to drop everything here on the Tempest, set up shop on Eos and...”

“Become a live in babysitter?” Ryder offered. 

Gil’s expression indicated that he thought that was a cheap shot – Ryder would agree, but he also wouldn’t take it back, because just because he had a better understanding of how their friendship had reached this point didn’t mean that he was any more fond of the idea of Jill trying to take away his lover OR his engineer – but he couldn’t exactly argue the idea. “I think she was interested in having us in the same place, working together, legitimately. Thought it’d be good for us to get to spend more time together, since we don’t get to see each other much now, let alone when the baby gets here.”

Right. Because babies were intensive work, even when that was something you wanted. Ryder had to admit, that fact alone could probably have caused Gil and Jill to have drifted apart – busy lives had claimed more than one friendship, Ryder knew.

“So... What happened when you told her that you weren’t going to stay here?”

“It seemed to surprise her. I think... I think it was the fact that I was there myself, not... you know, with you there, backing me up, that really made it clear that this was my decision, though.” A brief sour look flashed over his face, an indication that he didn’t particularly care for what that meant in terms of how she thought he could be influenced, or what influenced him. “I... I don’t know. She didn’t seem angry about it, I did bring up that even if you and I weren’t together, I’d still be making this decision, because this is... This is where I feel at home.” He sighed. “I’m not sure what happened there, to be honest.”

“You told Jill how you felt, set a boundary, told her to respect it. What happens next... Well, I guess that’s going to be on her, not you. If she respects it, you know that this is a friendship that’s actually working for both of you. If not... Well, you have a family here on the Tempest.”

That didn’t exactly seem like the most soothing thing that could be said, but... Well, Ryder could only do so much with what he was given. 

Gil sighed, slumping against the Nomad beside Ryder. “Sounds a lot like you and your sister, huh?”

“You mean that business of how we need some distance or we’d end up never talking?” Ryder considered it for a minute, seeing how there were similarities. Of course, he’d never felt that Sara had been trying to control his life, just that she’d gotten the chance to do the things that he’d wanted to do with his life, at least back in the Milky Way. 

But... Well, relationships with siblings, even if they weren’t blood relations, were always complicated, weren’t they? After all, it wasn’t like things were always rainbows and puppies among the Tempest crew. 

“Okay,” Ryder conceded. “I see your point.” That actually earned him a smile, which, hey, he’d take the victory. It at least meant that there was something positive in the whole situation. 

Gil took Ryder’s hand, smiling at him. “Hey.” Ryder turned to him, returning the smile. “You’re pretty great, Ryder. I mention that?”

“I could stand to hear it a little more,” Ryder said, his grin turning cheeky.

“I mean it. You could easily have just gone right to worst case about Jill, written her off, and... pushed me to do the same.”

“I’d have to be a big asshole to demand you give up your friend just because she made me uncomfortable.”

“Wouldn’t have stopped everyone,” Gil pointed out. “And you still pushed for me to give her a chance after hearing that gossip. It would have been easy to just say that I should give up on her then and there. You may have thought it – yeah, don’t lie, your poker face still needs work – but you still pushed me to talk to her and get the full picture.” 

“I may not have the highest opinion of her... but you care about her, so that’s reason enough to at least try.”

“And see? That’s why I love you. Because you do.” Gil kissed Ryder softly, holding close, as if trying to pour all the affection and love he had for Ryder and couldn’t verbalize into the kiss. “I love you, Ryder.”

“I love you, Gil.”


End file.
